


Hook(ed)

by soncnica



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Steampunk, Blood, Bottom Jensen, Coming Untouched, Dom/sub Undertones, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Grief/Mourning, Hurt Jensen Ackles, Hurt/Comfort, Loss of Control, M/M, Mental Coercion, Mention of Het, Mild Language, Minor Character Death, No Sex, Nonsexual, Not a death fic, Pain, Steampunk, Voyeurism, hook through someone's skin, implied future dom/sub relationship, mention of needle play, mention of sounding, non consensual that turns to consensual
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-28
Updated: 2014-04-28
Packaged: 2018-01-21 03:51:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,106
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1536512
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soncnica/pseuds/soncnica
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jensen got hook(ed) in more ways than he ever imagined when he crashed his neighbor's party. And it felt so good. So good.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hook(ed)

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I seriously only own the grammar/spelling mistakes. Everything else is NOT MINE! ALL IS FICTION.
> 
> PLEASE read the warnings and if there's still something I forgot to tag, let me know!!!!!!

                                                                                                 

 

The knock on the door, even if he'd been expecting it all day and fearing it, still all but catapulted him off of the couch, where he'd been sitting on since that morning. For hours, watching mindless TV shows on how colored steam was the way of the future and how coal was going to run out soon and then the planet would collapse into itself and doom would be inevitable.

Seriously … there was so much coal under the planet's surface, the Earth was suffocating in it. And the show about how the flying boats were leaking black water all over and dirtying up the cities. Seriously, what a load of crap, the cities were dirty with or without that; covered with a layer of coal dust that only rain ever half-washed off.

Oh and let's not forget the three hour special on Hook and 'em all being praised like Einstein and Picasso and Houdini and hundred other crazy and smart people all put together. Seriously, Jensen didn't know what all the appeal was about. The documentary was interesting, he had to give it that, full of very vivid footage and very up close and personal interviews with the people who were Hook, but really, to Jensen they were just people who liked to play with iron and steel and metal. Well, play was a bad choice of a word, more like … control it, make the material submit to them, making it surrender, just give in to their mind and their body; fingers, legs, mouth, hell even eyelids.

It was kinda like magic; curving, bending, twisting, flexing, coiling, shaping metal with one's mind and body parts. The documentary did make him wonder how that would be like, how it would feel like to … reshape something using only his mind and his hands. He only did it using fire and a lot of heavy tools, because one doesn't just bend steel using his forefinger.

He wished he wasn't on forced leave, because the TV was crap to rule all crap and being alone with his thoughts – why couldn't anyone see how bad that was? He wanted to be back working, back to the Iron And Spring Steel Plant, bending and curving and heating up iron to make things out of it. He loved creating, working with his hands and sweating in all that heat that ruled the factory. His work station had a beautiful view on the nearby hills, all covered with the steam that rose up from the city, only their bare peaks looking out.

He missed and wanted to hear fire burning, machines humming, hammers hitting metal to force it into something, anything, whatever the higher ups ordered that day. He loved the sight of bright white glow of the iron sticks that he could then shape into whatever he needed.

He wanted all of that to distract him from his thoughts, his mind.

But no. He was on a forced vacation, because he was quote _danger to everyone and we don't want you to burn anyone or behead anyone or stick anything into anyone_ end quote.

Fuck it then.

But he missed his work and the view and the sound of all those trains below his working station; whistling, and blowing steam that sometimes blocked the window and made it all wet and grimy.

Fuck. He looked to the window of his apartment and saw it be just as grimy and wet. Fuck.

He stepped to the door, cringing at the knocking and the banging and the obscenities that were being hissed at him through the wood.

"Well, thank you for opening the door, thought I'd have to knock 'em down, man."

Chris. Chris with his dark blue coat that smelled of smoke and a top hat that he threw onto the desk by the door. The man was … a friend, a saint more like it, because he was putting up with Jensen's mood swings and his depression and his moments of sadness and moments of happiness and never forced him to stop.

"Sorry, I was just … uh, nothing, just, come in, man. Where's Kathy?"

"She had to work, sorry. They just brought in a shipment of the newest state of the art, her words not mine, flying and driving goggles and she has to log 'em all in."

"Oh, well … uhh … okay."

Poor Kathy, she'd be doing that for days, but as the owner of her DriveFly shop, and being obsessive-compulsive about every little thing, she never trusted any of her employees to do it for her. Which drove Chris crazy, but Jensen was sure that Kathy more than made up for it with giving Chris discounts on various goggles, telescopes and periscopes. At least that was what Jensen liked to think, because he didn't really want to think about _other_ ways Kathy made up for her absence to Chris.

"What the hell's that noise?"

"Ah, 's just my neighbor having a party or something, I don't know."

He'd been hearing loud music; drums and guitars and bursts of laughter all day long, but he didn't mind. Not really; it was nice hearing life happen all around him, he just didn't want to … step into that life, be in it, live it. Not yet.

So, he just turned the volume on his TV higher and watched how a member of Hook talked about how he could 'hear' steel in his mind, whispering to him into what shape it wanted to be bent.

Cuckoo.

"Dude, we should crash."

Wait, what?

"What?"

"Crash, we should totally do it."

"Umm, no."

"Come on, why not?"

"Umm, because I don't wanna." Jensen tried to talk very slowly, as if Chris was a child with mental issues and blocked ears.

"Come on, man. Free booze, willing chicks, come on."

"Umm, no. Let's just stay. Order some pizza, I have a six pack in the fridge."

"Yeah, but you don't have drunk, willing chicks here. Come on, man."

"Dude, I talked to my neighbor like two times since he moved here. We're not friends."

"That's why it's called crashing a party. We'll come to the party of someone we don't know and weren't invited to. Jeez, dude, lighten up."

"I don't know. Let's just play some games, get drunk and pass out on the couch."

"Jensen, man," Chris shook his head, untamed blond hair flying everywhere, which was the reason Chris loved that top hat, "listen, I know that since Lea you've been..."

"Don't say her name, don't ... please, just ... she..."

"Jensen, hey, listen, I know it hurts and it'll hurt for a long time, but she's gone, Jensen, hey look at me, listen ... she's gone and she's never coming back, but you're here and you need to start livin' again."

"She's dead, of course she's never coming back and I know that, I'm just ... I'm not ready to ... people, they wanna talk and chat and I'm just not ... ready, you know? Not yet."

"Jensen, you can't lock yourself in here, these four walls, they'll eat you alive, man. It ain't healthy and it's been goin' on for too long."

"'s only been six months." He whispered and sat down on the couch, looking at the turned off TV. He just wanted to curl up and watch stupid things on TV again. Wanted to watch steel and iron twist under someone's glare. He didn't want to be twisted under anyone's glare, because he was steel that couldn't, wouldn't surrender.

"That's five months too long. Jensen, Lea, she'd want you to go on with your life, right? Live it, right? Meet people? Go out?"

Jensen looked down, his sneakers looking mighty interesting all of a sudden and nodded. Yeah, Lea would want him to live his life to the fullest.

"Yeah, yeah she would."

"Okay then, so this is the perfect opportunity to do just that. We'll crash the party, it's the door right next to yours, so you won't be going far and there'll be people there that you don't know and don't know you, so they won't mention ... Lea ... and you can just mingle. Or get drunk I don't care. Just ... come on, man."

Jensen thought about it, because really, what would be the worst that could happen? Even if he'd get stinky drunk, he was maybe five - kinda long - strides away from his own apartment and if anyone'd tell him that he was an 'intruder' then he'd just apologize and leave.

"Okay, fine. Let's go."

He was a weak, weak man, he folded easier than the damn shirts do when he folds 'em straight out of the drying machine.

He sighed and got up from the couch. This was it then; his first foray into the world outside in six months.

He could do this, even if closing the door and locking them felt as if he was going to pass out.

"Come on."

"Yeah, just a sec." he placed the key into a slot - right next to the door handle - that was designed and built into the wall for just this purpose. He was the only one who had the code that would unlatch the spring and spit out his key. It was all safe and tidy like that, never having to worry about whether or not he'd lose the key during the day.

"Okay let's go."

-:-

The hallway was dim, illuminated by three light bulbs that were still in some decent working order, while the rest sixteen or so were just dimly glowing and flickering, not much life in them at all anymore. There was a big, full wall window on his right and twenty doors down on his left was the elevator.

Living in an apartment building forty stories high, one definitely needed an elevator, even though this one was out of order probably twenty-nine days of a month.

He sighed and turned left, following Chris who had a hitch in his step, as if he was too giddy to walk properly. The man already looked half-way plastered and they hadn't even gotten to the party yet.

Jensen rolled his eyes; where did he pick these people up, these friends of his? Chris and Steve and Dani and Kathy ... they were all a bit on the nuts scale of things, but ... they'd all been there when Lea ... when she ... died. She died and it was okay to say so. Because dying was a thing that happened. To all. Lea just ... died sooner than wanted and needed and anticipated.

The hallway was narrow, probably only nine feet from one wall to the other and lined with brown doors. It smelled of cat piss, coal and rust ... like the damn railroad. Most of the time it made Jensen gag but there were times – few and far between – that it made him feel safe too.

The door to the apartment from where muted music could be heard and the bass line rocked the floor beneath his feet and people could be heard talking and laughing and bottles or glasses clinking, was really only a few strides away from his own. Sometimes when he was either in the bathroom or his bedroom, he could hear his neighbor if the guy was talking on the phone, or could hear the guy's TV if it was turned on too loud, sometimes he could even hear the guy snore at night. Probably only when the guy was drunk, otherwise he couldn't hear any noises at all.

His neighbor. He was going to crash his neighbor's party. Well … 'kay then. He didn't know the guy's name, not really, something starting with the letter J - Jed, Joseph, Jerry, Jamie, Jared. Jared?

Jared sounded about right.

The door was unlocked, of course, why lock it if guests might show up at any time and Chris grinned at him when he turned the knob and pushed.

The music and the smell of various alcoholic drinks, perfume and cologne hit Jensen like a steam train. He coughed, taking some small, shallow breaths to get his lungs and nose accustomed to the smells. He couldn't do anything for his ears though.

"Smells … and loud." he muttered, making Chris roll his eyes, pushing him into the room and closing the door behind them.

Jensen knew that he was standing there by the closed door looking like an idiot, who didn't know how to operate a door, but he didn't really know what to do with himself. He didn't know these people, didn't know ... Jared ... didn't know how to handle himself when crashing a party, Lea ... she, she always took care of these things, she was the one who made him feel comfortable anywhere and in any situation and he missed her. So damn much.

"Jensen!"

He flinched at the harshness of the tone and looked into Chris' eyes.

"'m okay." he looked around the room, his eyes moving over the heads of people occupying the room. Red hair, black hair, blond hair, green hair, pink hair, brown hair; goggles and normal glasses pushed up to the top of some people's heads, pony tails and mohawks, neatly cut hair and greasy hair. So many various people, so many ways of them seeing him, watching him, assessing him, putting him into their folders of who he just might be. He was not like them; not with his dirty brown hair spiked up with gel, his green shirt and sweat pants. He looked like he didn't belong, and some women looked at him from heels to head, turned up their noses and returned to the chat he obviously disturbed just by being in the room.

"Their loss, right?"

Chris patted him on the shoulder and Jensen nodded. It was nobody's loss, really. He didn't go for women in corsets or lacy tank tops or bustles, he didn't go for women with metal plates in their noses or ears or tongues.

He went for Lea. She'd been perfect. She'd been just like him and together they hadn't really belonged anywhere but up in the sky. He and Lea and his flying balloon, way up in the sky.

He shook his head, trying to get his thoughts back to the here and now. He hadn't seen his balloon since Lea died, but Dani assured him that it was being well taken care of in the hangars outside the city. He didn't know if he ever wanted to fly again. Why would he, when there was no one to share the sky with.

The sky would wait, the sky had always been there and always would be and right now, he was in a place, an unfamiliar place that he needed to get a feel for. He got lost so many times in his head and he couldn't afford to get lost here too. It could be dangerous, these people weren't his friends, who knew him and would always bring him home no matter what, no, these people were strangers who didn't know him from a lemon in their tequila shot.

He looked to his left and his eyes first stopped on a floor to ceiling closet and then on a bed – California King – holy shit. He and Lea had talked about getting a bed like that, but they loved to squeeze and cuddle so there was really no point in buying something that big.

And by the way he could actually see it all, even over the heads of the people, he knew that the guy's bedroom was standing on a raised podium with three steps to climb to get up there and fall onto that bed.

He quickly turned his head to the right, wondering what the guy did with that side, but his eyes stopped in front of him, where he could only see the top four shelves of a closet. They were full of books … books everywhere and some statues of … people? He couldn't really tell, not from this far away, but books, those he could see clearly. There were some binoculars on display too, some smallish telescopes and decorative boxes that held who knew what. They were small, like jewelry cases, but he doubted his neighbor wore jewelry.

The music changed into something with a piano, cymbals and a flute and he rocked on his heels, feeling the flute sneak its way into his veins.

He looked down at the floor and rubbed his forehead … Lea'd played the flute.

Fuck.

He looked back up and to the right, seeing a floor to ceiling window; a huge thing looking out into the night. There was a table in front of it, with four chairs lining the long wooden plank. He could see a fridge, but no counters or a stove … probably hiding behind the fridge. The kitchen area was raised up on a podium too.

But he was standing, apparently, in the living room, with a couch and a coffee table and a big screen TV attached to the wall in front of the couch. There were some more shelves behind the couch, also full of books. If the night would go sour, he would at least be able to grab a book and go read it in some corner or ... something, because he wouldn't leave Chris alone here.

That could be dangerous in so many ways and Kathy would probably break his neck.

It was a studio apartment, open space, no walls anywhere, all the rooms in one long space, only the bathroom was a separate room. He knew this apartment, knew it well, because after Lea died, he wanted to move in here.

This apartment, was so unlike his. This here was open, bright - the sunlight illuminating the whole space, sunbeams penetrating every nook and cranny - inviting, spacious - big windows, big living room, big kitchen, big bedroom –and held no memories and no smell and no … he still found Lea's hair on the couch pillows, found her lipstick under the bed, found her hairband under the fridge when he'd moved it. His place was small and crammed with all kinda things that were making him nauseated, anxious, depressed and lonely. When he'd had Lea, it was the best apartment one could have, but now … it was too tiny, walls closing in every day, every night squeezing air out of his lungs.

This apartment was clean. Unused.

But no can do, as it was too expensive and with his salary he would've been able to afford it, umm, never.

He'd never have this; he was doomed to live in that crappy hole and exist with a head full of memories.

Fuck.

He rubbed his eyes, making himself listen to the music that had once again changed into something with a saxophone.

Saxophone he could do, flute was a problem and probably always would be.

"Dude, two o'clock." Jensen turned to where Chris nudged him and saw a girl with long black, wavy hair wearing a black and red corset that displayed her breasts as if they were put on an altar for anyone to see and touch and lick. A desire flashed through him to touch those full, meaty breasts, play with those barely concealed nipples, suck them in his mouth and … no.

No.

No, he couldn't. That was the uniform of FlyGirls; women who flew passenger balloons across the Atlantic and she was way out of his league.

He turned away, when the girl winked at him and raised her half full glass in a salute.

A man collided with his shoulder, tipped his brown-red checkered hat in apology and walked towards the couch.

Holy sweet steam, the man had had a small hook embedded in his left cheek. Holy, holy hell.

Jensen turned to Chris to see if Chris saw that as well, but the man's mouth was practically salivating while watching the coffee table full of liquor bottles.

Jensen sighed. Fine.

"Wanna go get a drink?"

"Thought you were glued to the spot, man. Yeah, come on."

Jensen tried not to think about how the light was dim in the apartment, completely suitable for a party … or an orgy.

"Wow, cool." Chris said and tapped Jensen's chest with his hand, giving him a grin while already half way from the door to the couch, that had some people sitting on and talking. Jensen could see there were some big bottles of clear liquid on the table, some bottles of beer and some bottles of something yellowish, but he knew that to Chris the color of whatever he'd consume wouldn't matter, as long as it hit and hit hard.

Booze.

Yeah, sure. He could do booze. Alcohol was always welcomed in his life.

-:-

He sighed, slumped his shoulders and started to follow Chris towards the middle of the living room, all but swimming in the crowd that was pushing him left and right, like waves in the ocean. They were all dancing - more like grinding together and he didn't even wanna think about how many orgasms this room had already seen tonight. There were also people standing in groups, circles, talking and moving their hands and, and people.

He hated people. Hated to touch them, hated to have to elbow his way to something, hated to smell them, hated to pull them apart, hated to apologize when he stepped on someone's toes ... he hated people. How Lea had ever put up with him ... he still didn't know and never would.

He was halfway to the couch where he could see a spot open up just big enough for his ass to fit and not get up until Chris would be ready to leave, when the people started to move into the other direction, making a wall of breathing, moving, damn strong men and women, pushing him with them. He wanted to break free, go to the damn couch and sit down and glare daggers at Chris but he couldn't break the wall. And the more he tried to explain to people that he really needed to go and sit down the more people were telling him that he didn't want to miss the highlight of the party, that he _soooo_ should see this, dude, you _sooooo_ need to see this, dude.

He didn't really wanna see anything, he just wanted to sit down and give out vibes of _fucking leave me alone_.

But he couldn't resist the wall of people or he'd get hurt, so he clenched his jaw tight, gritted his teeth, turned around and walked with them until he stopped a few feet before the steps leading up to the podium where the bed was.

He was front and center, with who knew how many people blocking his escape and when he looked up he got a nice view of … his neighbor.

And another guy.

If this was some sort of a ritualistic torture slash slaughter thingy he would scream and run, call the cops and move out of this damn building in the span of half an hour. Fifteen minutes - he had nothing to pack anyway.

His neighbor, Jared, was naked from his waist up, sweat glistering on his skin, on his abs and pecks, his nipples looking as if someone had been sucking on them for the last hour or three. His hair was long(ish), but he had them tucked behind his ears, only a few bangs falling over his forehead. He was wearing white pants and had bare feet and the look in his eyes when he watched the guy in front of him was … almost animalistic. Jensen was waiting for Jared to growl or something, because it sure looked like the man was capable of that.

The guy who stood in front of Jared had bright blond hair and was smaller than Jared, although who wouldn't be, Jared was a freaking giant, he loomed over the guy, like a ... predator. A bird of prey who just saw a tiny, little mouse trying to scamper to freedom.

Jensen's mouth went dry. What. The. Actual. Fuck?

Then Jared walked around the blond, turning the guy around as he went, showing the guy's back to the crowd and Jensen thought that he just might puke.

There were hooks in the guy's back. Hooks. Hooks in the more meaty sides along his spine and … what the … fucking?

Jensen breathing hitched and he swallowed down the bile raising up his throat, because there was some blood and there were hooks and the guy's eyes, when Jared turned him around again, were ... glazed over with pleasure? Fucking hell, fucking hell, what the …

Jensen tried to turn around and make for the door, run to his apartment and never ever come back out, because this was just sick.

Who the hell puts hooks into someone's skin? Who the fuck lets someone put hooks into one's skin?

Jensen felt lightheaded and he really, really wished it would be from the booze, which he had none yet, but once this freak show would end he'd drink that whole six pack in his fridge and die of alcohol poisoning.

His eyes widened when he saw Jared step in front of the guy and hold up another hook - it wasn't a big one, or a thick one, or a long one, just a tiny hook, something Jensen could use in his closet to hang up a shirt ... but the tip was sharp, needle like.

Jensen was mesmerized when Jared kneeled and pushed the tip through the side of the guy's belly button - getting the bend of the hook to lie inside the navel - the steel sliding in and then poking out on the other side like everything was just dandy.

Jensen hissed. He didn't mean to, but holy hell it was just nasty, even though the guy was panting and his pants were tented with a wet patch the size of a lake, Jensen just couldn't stop himself from hissing. He hurt for the guy, even if the guy didn't really look as if he was in any kinda pain at all.

Holy smoke.

His hiss made Jared turn away from the blond, who was swaying on his feet, the only thing holding him from collapsing on the floor was Jared's hand holding his hip.

Jared's eyes narrowed, calculating, soft and strong all at the same time and Jensen couldn't look away. Not up not down, left or right, just stared right back, watching a drop of sweat run slowly down Jared's left temple.

Jensen thought that this was not good. Not good. Abort, abort, run like hell, lock the door and plan his escape. Now!

Then the music changed; something with a piccolo and a piano and a bit of saxophone and Jared's smile was as soft as the piccolo's sound.

Jensen couldn't look away when Jared turned back to the guy and whispered 'you did so good, Chad, so good, so good. Why don't you go to Leana, she'll take care of you now'. Jared's voice sounded … proud.

God.

The guy, Chad, nodded and stumbled into the wall of people who were all watching the show, murmuring and gasping and groaning at the sight of Chad barely walking in a straight line, the hooks in his back and the one in his navel, shining in the light and moving with his muscles.

Jensen watched Chad get swept away, getting lost among the sea of people, some of them guiding him towards the couch probably, but Jensen couldn't see that, because a shadow fell over him, making him look at the front.

He came face to chin with Jared.

Uh-oh.

This was why he hated parties, he hated people, he hated everything. Now he was caught and he'd have to make excuses and go grab Chris and haul him out while apologizing to Jared for crashing his party, for coming uninvited and seeing … that … and holy fuck, he was going to kill Chris. Seriously, he would.

Chris was a dead man walking.

He raised his head and moved it a bit back when Jared leaned forward and whispered over the sounds of a clarinet: "You want to?"

Jensen gulped. No, he most definitely didn't want to do anything, but run and hide and drink himself stupid and never ever come across Jared ever again. That's what he wanted to do.

"You do, don't you?"

"No. No! Noooo no, no I ... I don't wanna ... just ... no!" he stuttered, not sounding very convincing.

"You don't have to lie."

"'m not. Just ... hell no!"

"You're lying. I can see it. You want to try it. It's okay if you do Jensen. That's your name, right?"

Jensen nodded.

"'s nothing wrong with wanting to try. It's okay."

Before Jensen knew it, his heel hit the back of a step and when he looked down he saw that he was only one more step away from colliding with the bed.

"It's okay, Jensen. 's nothing wrong with trying. Absolutely nothing wrong with it. No one's gonna judge you, it's okay to want."

Jared's voice was sweet like candy, smooth like molasses and his breath smelled of some sort of candy too.

Damn.

"What? No, I really ... no!"

The back of his knees hit the side of the bed and shit, fuck, no. Just no.

"No, I said no."

Jared nodded and placed his hand on the side of Jensen's neck, the touch too soft to be anything else than two lovers touching.

Jensen's eyes widened ... he hadn't been touched like that ... in a long, long time. Lea's hand had always been so soft, gentle, smelling of raspberries from the cream she always used …

"I know you're saying no, your brain is saying no, but your heart, I can feel it right here," Jared pressed his palm deeper onto the side of Jensen's neck, "is saying yes. I can tell that, Jensen and it's okay."

"Nuh-uh."

"'s okay, really."

His legs folded and his ass hit the bed, but only for a second, because then Jared was lowering himself over him, pushing him chest to chest to lie down on the bed. He had to scoot up a bit, because Jared was just … pushing at him, pulling him, putting his weight all over him … but he had nowhere to go, his head was already on the pillow and his whole body was lying on the bed.

No escape.

"'s okay, Jensen. I gotcha. I gotcha."

"I don't ..." Jensen breathed out, too stunned to actually fight back, to kick and to scream and to hit. He wanted to, but ... Jared looked so ... strong and confident and Jensen … maybe he wanted this. He wasn't into men, but he had a feeling that this wasn't about being into men or women. This wasn't sexual at all. It just ... was, it existed outside of sex or friendship or casual knowing. It just ... was.

"Jared ..." his voice trembled and it came out more of a breathy gasp than the stern _fuck you_ he was going for.

Jared shook his head, hair flaying into his eyes: "'s okay to want it. Nothing wrong with that, okay? Trust me. 's nothing wrong with that."

"Uhh..."

He was scared, he ... he wanted, but he didn't, because fuck. A hook? Something metal and cold going through his skin? Fucking ouch.

He stared up at Jared's eyes, swallowing when he felt the man's hands start to travel down his sides, down his ribs, fingers dipping into every dip. Sure, broad palms, strong grip and strong, long fingers, caressing his ribs and his skin, going underneath his shirt, skin on skin then. Warm calloused palm on smooth goose bumped skin.

"Nuuh, no, don't..." he whispered and squirmed. He didn't want to get naked, not in front of Jared, not in front of anyone ever again.

"Shh, 's okay. You have a T-shirt underneath, right? We'll leave that on, 's okay."

Jensen nodded, because okay. Yeah, okay.

He only lost eye contact with Jared when the shirt got in the way, but the man was talented and it only lasted a second before the shirt was off and thrown somewhere into the room.

"All right?

He licked his lips and nodded, his heart beating like crazy, his whole body shuddering and trembling.

Jared hadn't lied and kept Jensen's white wife beater on, a present from Lea's twisted sense of humor; she always through that wife beater was a crazily stupid name to call a shirt and because it had such a low cut; it reached all the way down to his nipples, but without actually showing them. He'd rolled his eyes then and kissed her everywhere he could put his mouth on that night.

He shook his head; memories were bad, because he really didn't wanna lose his shit in front of Jared and start crying. This, whatever this was, was humiliating enough.

"Jensen, hey, you all right?"

Jared whispered and leaned down even more; legs either side of Jensen's thighs, covering him from the belly up, for which Jensen was grateful, because he was sure that this particular shirt had a soup stain from yesterday's lunch somewhere at the stomach area.

"'m okay."

"Okay then." Jared's smile was dimples and white teeth, making Jensen's breathing sped up and then hitch when he felt something cold and wet on his left side, underneath his collarbone, but above his nipple, inch or two away from his armpit.

He looked down as best as he could and saw a white cotton ball in Jared's hand, slowly wiping the area. It smelled of hospital.

A hospital.

A hospital ... that alcohol slash disinfectants slash cleaning stuff.

A hospital ... sickness and death.

He gasped and started to struggle, Lea, Lea, Lea echoing in his head, Lea and hospitals and needles and that smell and no, no, no!

"No! Stop, please stop!"

He tried to push Jared off of him, tried to hit the man, but his legs were pinned down by Jared's, his torso underneath Jared's and damn the man was strong. He raised his left hand to try and pry Jared's hand and the cotton ball away from his skin but Jared caught his hand by the forearm and held it up in the air as if Jensen was made out of paper.

"Jensen, hey, look at me. Shhh, easy, easy, look at me."

He looked up at Jared, at the smile and concern in the man's eyes.

"I know, all right? I know, I've heard you cry and scream at night. I've heard you scream for her, and I know, I know it hurts so badly sometimes ... and that's okay. Everything's okay. Come on, just relax. Just calm down."

"'m sorry..."

He was mortified. He didn't know that Jared could hear him through the walls, although that would make sense, because if he could hear Jared then ... yeah ...

"Nothing to be sorry about, okay. Nothing, absolutely nothing."

Jensen pulled his bottom lip between his teeth and nodded.

"Good, just relax. Now, 'm gonna put this arm," Jared pushed Jensen's arm back down to bed, palm up, "here and you're gonna keep it right there, ain't gonna move it, okay, gonna keep it relaxed and still."

Jensen didn't know about keeping any part of him relaxed and still and when Jared's fingers started to slide up the sensitive skin of his forearm, he took a sharp, quick breath. The tickling sensation made him squirm underneath Jared's body – it was too intimate. Too much.

Jared's thumb stopped at the bend of his elbow and stroked there, left and right, pressing in hard and then soothing it all with a feather light swipe.

"Jared …"

He didn't know what he was planning to say: a warning, a plea for more, a plea to stop … he didn't know, but he did know that whatever Jared was doing to him … it felt so good. Jared's finger there felt so good and so right it made him whimper.

"Feels good, right?"

"Mmmmhh, yeah …"

"How old're you?"

"Twen- uh, twenty-four."

"'m sorry … for your loss. 'm sorry it hurts. 'm sorry for leaving you to cry and scream all alone."

"Wh-, what?"

A saxophone pushed the melody of the song into a different direction and Jensen got distracted, thrown off his path. Music always enchanted him, the wicked, wicked thing that it was.

He felt Jared's fingers travel higher up his bicep and down his shoulder, his collarbone until it came to rest over the area that still tingled from the alcohol.

"Just keep your arm still, don't move it Jensen, okay?"

"Oh- ohkay."

Jared's smile crinkled the man's eyes and popped out dimples on his cheeks.

The whole of Jared's body was colored brown, from the dim light and he shone where his skin was matted with sweat. It looked … nice.

"Just gotta disinfect again, okay? Just breathe, okay? Don't forget to breathe and keep your arm relaxed and still."

The cotton ball was back, new one now, fresh one, because whatever was being used as the antiseptic was dripping down his skin; a tickling stream down and under his armpit.

"That's it, just calm, okay?"

He couldn't speak, even breathing was giving him problems, because the smell was reminding him of Lea and all those doctors who did nothing but poked and prodded her until they could only say those fucking words: 'there's nothing we can do'.

"Jensen, right here. Okay? Right here, not there. What happened then and there, happened. It's gone. It was and it's gone now."

"I know, it's just sometimes ..." he whispered.

"I know, but you can't live there anymore. You can't change what happened, you can't get her back. You had her, be happy about that, but you can't change the past. I wish you could, but no one can."

He closed his eyes; looking into Jared's eyes, hearing him and having him pressing Jensen's whole body into the bed, having the man blocking out the whole world … was too intimate. Too scary. He felt so fragile, split open and all his emotions and thoughts on display to Jared.

He'd never felt like this before. Even Lea … she never made him feel cracked open and spilling all of himself down before her.

But Jared was doing just that; with his touch, the tone of his voice, the softness in his eyes …

"I know ..." he gasped, opened his eyes and looked from Jared's face down to his left side and saw ... a hook. The thing that would go through his skin.

It was grasped tightly in Jared's sure hand; a silver, shiny hook, small really, like someone had bent a thicker than usual needle, but still big enough to make Jensen's eyes widen. It really could be used in his closet to hang up a shirt or two, but this one would go into his skin and out of his skin and fuck.

He couldn't tear his eyes away from it; couldn't not watch as Jared started to stroke the bend of the hook over Jensen's skin, how it glided smoothly making him shiver and breathe hard. Almost pant.

"Just breathe, okay."

Jensen nodded; he couldn't not breathe or he'd pass out.

"I gotcha, Jensen."

He'd watched as nurses stuck needles into Lea, God so many needles going into so many places, Jensen felt sick just watching it, and he didn't have a fear of needles. But just watching all that ... after a few days it made him wanna puke, but Lea was stoic and unafraid so he'd been too.

"Shhh, I gotcha."

The feeling of the steel sliding up and down that small patch of skin felt okay. Nothing hurt - yet - and it felt good when the cold steel started to warm up from his body heat, it felt good to know that that thing would go into him and it wouldn't be from any medical reasons, wouldn't be because someone would want to determine if he'd die or live. It would just ... be there. Because of nothing.

And he had no control over it. None. He didn't want to escape it anymore, he didn't wanna fight Jared anymore, he didn't want to run away ... he wanted this. He needed to feel this pain and he needed to trust Jared ... just like Lea trusted Jensen even through all the pain she went through.

"Jensen, it's just you and me here. You," a slide down," and me." a slide up.

Jensen tried to grab Jared's shoulder or arm with his other, free hand; he just wanted something to grab hold of, but Jared grabbed his right hand and pushed it back down to the mattress, right beside Jensen's ear, fingers intertwining and squeezing.

He looked up at Jared and then back down to his left, watching the man slide the hook up and down the skin, his breathing picking up, because this really was all on Jared; the man was controlling this, only Jared knew when he'd push the pointed tip through the skin.

Giving up control like this, felt so good Jensen felt blood starting to run down to his dick.

Giving up control like this ... he never gave up control over anything, because the last time he did, Lea died.

"I can't ..."

He couldn't give up his control, he needed to be the one to say yes and no and when and how and why. He needed to be in control, he needed it, but at the same time, all of this felt so good. So right.

"Yes you can. 'm not gonna hurt you, 'm not gonna let anything happen to you. 's just you and me ... just relax into this. You're doing so good, Jensen, so good …"

Jensen's heart was going to explode, leap out of his chest and run away. His whole body was shivering, trembling and he felt himself squeezing Jared's fingers tight, while trying to keep his left arm as still as possible. Because Jared said so. Because it felt right; he could still feel the phantom touch of Jared's thumb on the bend of his elbow and he was scared that if he'd even just twitch his arm, that feeling would disappear.

He didn't want it to disappear.

-:-

One more slide down: "Can you hold your breath? I need your chest to be as still as possible."

He took a deep breath and held it, because this was it, this was it, right here and right now, this was it and on the next slide up, the sharp tip pushed into the skin, making Jensen hiss and gasp for more air.

"Don't worry, 'm not gonna push further, just stay calm."

He looked up from the hook to Jared's face, not wanting to see any blood there. He'd seen so much of Lea's blood … enough to last him a lifetime.

"Jensen, look. Come on, just look down. 's nothing to be scared of."

He looked down and it really didn't look so … horrible. It was just a … a weirdly shaped needle piercing him and … now it didn't even hurt anymore.

It just was.

Just like all of this, what was happening, just was.

"'s nothin', right?"

"Yeah … nothin'."

Then Jared put more pressure on the hook, pushing it deeper, making the steel slide under his skin.

"Fuck, ow, uhhh, stop."

Jared stopped.

Just like that.

He stopped.

Because Jensen said so. Because he said stop.

Whenever Lea said stop, no one stopped. The doctors and the nurses just kept on … pushing and prodding and testing her and putting all these tubes in her and the needles … they never stopped, no matter how many time Lea said to stop.

Jensen didn't dare say stop to them, because he didn't want to lose his sweetheart. He didn't want to lose her, so he never said stop.

But he said stop now and Jared stopped.

"You're okay, Jensen. Just a bit more and it'll push through, okay? You're doing really good, real good."

He thought that he blushed under the praise, but he didn't care. He didn't care, because he was riding on something here, something pure and hot and unbelievable and he didn't want it to stop.

"Gonna go all the way now, just relax."

He could feel, actually feel, the steeled tip and the thicker body of the hook, make its way through his flesh, penetrating deeper until the tip started poking at his skin, from the inside.

He closed his eyes and squeezed Jared's fingers.

"I gotcha Jensen."

One tear slipped out of his eye, he could feel it slide down his cheek. The hook pushing through his skin … it hurt but it didn't. That didn't hurt, what hurt was how good it felt to let it happen. How good it felt to let it all go and put control to Jared to do as he pleased with … everything.

"Just take another breath and hold it, don't move your arm, stay still … that's it, that's it."

He could feel his dick getting hard and starting to leak. He moaned and gasped and tried to arch his back when he felt the tip pushing at his skin again, poking it and when Jared pushed just that bit harder the tip finally penetrated the skin.

He had a hook in him.

"You all right?"

He opened his eyes and nodded.

He was okay.

He looked down and saw the hook in his skin, two dots of blood and Jared rubbing the raised skin with his fingers.

He shivered, feeling the metal under his skin being rubbed from above and it rubbed the tissue below and it ... made his dick twitch and more precome spill out.

He was flying; feeling as he had when he was in his balloon, hearing nothing but fire and wind, having all of the world at his disposal and when Jared gripped the eye: "I'd put some rope through here, tie it to a hook in my shoulder. We'd be tied then, can you imagine that. Tied by rope." gave it a little pull, Jensen moaned because it tugged on the skin. Tugged hard, raising the skin up and that hurt.

"Stop, don't … ahhh, fuck, oww…"

Jared stopped. Again. Let go of the eye as if it had burned him: "Okay, sorry, 'm sorry. Just wanted you to feel that."

He sure felt it alright, but: "'s okay, 'm okay."

"Do you wanna touch it?"

He looked at the raised skin at the bend of the hook: "Yeah, wanna touch it."

He untangled his fingers from Jared's and brought his right hand to the spot where the center of his universe was at. His fingers were shaking, feeling cold and numb, but when he pressed them down on that bit of raised skin, he gasped, feeling the hook shift inside of him, under his skin.

"How's it feel?"

Jensen rubbed his finger over the steel, over his skin: "Don't touch the tip, Jensen," and heeding Jared's warning his finger went up to the eye, imagining a rope there, tying him to Jared: "Good, it feels good."

Jared chuckled, probably at the awe in Jensen's voice: "Good then." and gripped Jensen's hand pulling it away from the hook, intertwining their fingers again, pressing Jensen's hand back to the soft pillow.

The song on the radio changed to piano and a harp, both instruments complimenting each other in the best possible ways, making Jensen moan, the music stroking his entire body.

He felt drugged to his gills with pleasure, with want. Exactly the same as when he strapped on his goggles, wrapped his scarf around his neck, stepped into his flying balloon and flied up and up and up never wanting to come back down.

-:-

Jared leaned down, whispering to Jensen's half open mouth: "I wanna pierce your nipples," rubbed his thumb on Jensen's left nipple right through the ribbed shirt: "it would make you feel amazing."

Jensen pushed up his hips, his groin crashing into Jared's, their hard cocks rubbing and he nodded: "Yeah."

He wanted that. Just the feel of Jared's finger over his nipple, rubbing it, making it hard, sending pleasure down to his dick; he could only imagine how piercing his nipples would feel like.

Jared grinned and music came back to Jensen's ears, making him aware of other people gathered around the bed. Could hear them moan and groan and whimper, heard skin on skin, wet squelching sounds.

"They're jerking off to the sight of you, the girls rubbing their clits, pushing their fingers into those hot, wet, tight holes," Jensen's eyes started to stray to his left, but Jared was faster and the man's hand gripped his cheek, pushing him back to look at Jared, "no, don't look, 's just you and me here and we know this ain't about sex. They can do whatever they want, but we know this ain't 'bout that."

Jensen blinked.

"They'll get off on the sight of you squirming and hard and leaking and making those delicious sounds and being hooked," Jared licked his lips, "but you and I know that that's not it for us. It's how you're so strong, giving yourself to me, losing control Jensen. It's what it is for us."

"Yeah." His voice was shaky, hoarse, barely there.

"Yeah, Jensen, just us here. You and me."

And that was okay, because Jared was a warm heavy blanket and a wall between his body and all those hungry eyes. It was okay, because Jared was right; the people around them would come from getting a show, but Jensen and Jared would come from something entirely different.

It was okay.

And he wanted more.

He wanted to come; his dick was leaking, precome all but running out of his slit, he could feel it, it wasn't just drop and drop, it was a stream and his balls felt heavy, and all he could do was silently thank his grief for making him wear sweat pants all the time, loose, baggy, thin sweatpants otherwise he didn't know how he'd have coped with his dick trapped and unable to curve up.

Jared grinned, white teeth glowing in the dim light: "Wanna come? Wanna empty those heavy balls into your pants, huh? Come and come and come, 's been a while, huh? Are you dying of blue balls Jensen, or did you lay in your bed and stroked all that hard, long cock with your spit to ease the way, huh? Did you make yourself come? I heard you; cry and scream and moan ... made me so hard Jensen ... right through the fucking wall."

"Nhhh, gggah..."

Jared leaned even closer to Jensen's body, swiveling his hips, making both of them groan when their heavy, hot and thick dicks rubbed against each other.

Jared released Jensen's fingers, gripped his hair instead and pulled at the short spikes, making Jensen's head go back, exposing the man's throat, making it long and tight for Jared's lips and tongue to feel it all; muscles and skin and the throbbing vein.

When Jared got to his ear, the man started to pull on the hook, making Jensen really feel it be under his skin, making him realize that if Jared wanted to, he could've just pulled the hook right out, ripping skin and flesh just like that.

Jensen dick twitched and he needed, he needed more touching, more grinding, more of Jared on him, in him ...

He couldn't tell where all that was coming from, maybe it was sexual frustration that had been going on for some time now, maybe it was a craving for another person's touch on him, maybe it was the total lack of control he had over everything ... but he needed to feel more and harder and faster.

"Jared ..." he gasped and couldn't look away from the man's face that was now covered in sweat, wet hair hanging over the slanted eyes.

Jared started to pull on the hook, slowly pulling it out, careful not to damage anything: "Don't worry, I got rid of the barb, okay?"

Jensen didn't even think about the barb; it was so tiny and when it went in he didn't really feel it any more than the rest of the hook, but damn that would've hurt coming out. But how did …

"Come Jensen."

He arched his back, pressing the back of his head deeper into the pillow, exposing his throat to Jared's hot, wet tongue; the pain of the hook sliding out slowly oh so deliciously slow and the heat that had been pooling in his belly throughout all of this finally exploded in his body, making him come.

He cried out and panted, squeezing his eyes shut and shouting obscenities - that could rival Chris' - and groaning, because he had never felt like this. Sex with Lea had been amazing, she made him shoot his come out of his dick by just using her muscles right, but this ... this ... this was pain mixed with pain mixed with a man on top of him mixed with losing control mixed with something he had never knew he needed. He saw stars. There were actual stars behind his closed eyelids and his dick kept on spurting, filling his pants with his come.

He couldn't get down from this high, not even when he opened his eyes and saw the bloody hook being held in Jared's hand.

"Wasn't so bad, right?"

He shook his head. He just came untouched, came all but bursting his brain from his slit, came so hard he was gulping down air like a man saved from drowning.

"No." he gasped.

No, it wasn't bad.

Jared chuckled for a second and then stopped, the expression on his face becoming hard and so serious Jensen's breath caught somewhere between his mouth and lungs.

"I really wanna pierce your nipples, pull on them and slide a needle right through the raised flesh. Your cock, Jensen, needles right through your shaft, pulling it up to your belly, maybe tying it up there with the needles in your stomach. Your balls, Jensen and lower, all that skin just ready to be pierced. Your tongue too, hmmm. Hooks in your back, just like I did with Chad. I'd take it all out then, don't worry, would only leave it in, if you'd want that."

Jensen needed air, especially when Jared placed his broad, sweat slicked palm on his forehead and pushed his head down to the pillow: "We'd do it really slow, so slow you'd come between each slide of the needle in your skin. I'd make you come, Jensen ... I promise."

Jensen gulped and closed his eyes, because he was pinned and that was his only way of escaping the images in his head, how fucking much he wanted that, how much he needed all of that. Yes, needed.

"Open your eyes, don't hide, come on... that's it ... do you want that? Do you want me to push needles into you, all over you, Jensen ... your back, your belly, through your belly button, your thighs, your cock, your balls, your nipples, your sides, your arms, your shoulders. Inside your elbows, you liked when I touched you there. Maybe behind your knees too."

Jensen whimpered, because yes, he did. He wanted it.

"We'd do it so slow, so slow, Jensen and so carefully, be so very careful, you'd feel every pinch and pull ... I'd spread you all over this bed, naked. Just you and me and the needles, the hooks. Huh?"

Jensen groaned.

"I'd push a sound in your dick, all the way in. A sound I'd make just for you, for your slit and your dick. It'd be green, just like your eyes. It'd rub so good in you, feel so good, you'd either not come or come around it."

Jensen closed his eyes and groaned. It was too much, his groin was on fire, every nerve alive and strung out, begging to be released.

"I wouldn't hurt you."

Jensen whimpered and moaned, because yes, he wanted that. Wanted Jared's hands on him, be slow and be careful and be all around him, inside him, touch every part of him, because he knew ... knew Jared wouldn't hurt him. Not for real. Not too much. Not out of evilness.

Not like the doctors hurt Lea, not like they hurt him, not like he'd been hurting for so long.

He wanted to say yes, yes, please but what came out was a sob like sound and fuck, was he ... crying?!

"Shh, shh, shh, you're okay. 's okay."

He blinked when Jared let go of his forehead and looked down when he felt something wet and cold - again - pressed on the spot where just a few seconds he had a hook in. Smelled of the antiseptic again, only this time it didn't make him flash back to the hospital. No, it made him flash to just how careful Jared had been, how he stopped when Jensen said stop, how he talked to him and made him feel so much, things he'd never felt before.

Jared would take care of him. Maybe it was time someone took care of him for a change. He could do that ... he wanted to do that – wanted to let Jared take care of him. Needed it.

"Think about it, okay? You're on a high right now, so calm down and think about it. You know where to find me. Anytime you want, okay? Jensen? Okay?"

He whined when Jared slid down his body, his cock hard again. What the fuck? They weren't even doing anything ... just talking and uhhh, fuck ... he was still too sensitive to get hard again, to come again, he couldn't come again, fuck ... but his dick had other plans, because it was hard and curving up again, even though the disgusting damp spot.

Jared chuckled when he came chin to cock: "'m not gonna suck you, if that's what you're thinking."

Jensen put his forearm across his eyes - awkward. Awkward, awkward. He didn't want Jared to suck him, he didn't want his cock anywhere near Jared's mouth, eww, but damn it now that Jared mentioned it ... he shuddered when a drop of precome ran dawn his cock.

"Come on Jensen. Let's get you something to drink."

Yeah. Drink. Alcohol. Good. Good. Yeah, definitely.

Even though the smell of the antiseptic and the sting he could feel was making him wanna throw up, he got up from the bed and stumbled on weak, wobbly legs.

"Okay, okay, easy, easy, I gotcha."

Jared's hand wrapped itself around his waist, and the man lead him through a crowd of people who were watching him like he was a canary they all wanted to eat up.

People, people he didn't know, Jared's friends had seen him. Saw what ... saw him come from that, come untouched. Saw him cry. And they … they … touched themselves. Some of 'em were still licking their fingers …

He blushed and looked down at his feet, not wanting to look those strangers in the eyes. He stumbled, but Jared pressed him closer to his side, leading him towards the table full of booze.

"Did you, ah, umm, come?"

He whispered, hoping it was for Jared's ears only. Jared made him come, but _he_ didn't make Jared come. Should he have done something, even if this whole thing wasn't about … that?

"Naw, I've got a cock ring, I'll jack off once everyone leaves," Jared leaned closer to his ear, his breath hot and moist, "you'll probably hear me through the wall."

Jensen lost the ground beneath his feet, his legs going even softer and the only thing holding him up was Jared's arm around his waist and the guy's solid side.

Fuck.

"You ... uhh, the other guy, before ... you didn't ... on the bed."

He knew he wasn't making any sense at all, but he just shot his brain through his dick and he was still hard and that took coherency right out of him and probably any guy really.

"You're better than him. Them. Your first time needed to be special."

Jensen nodded: "And next time?"

Next time? What the hell? Next time? There would be no next time … would it?

"Like I said, you're special and we'll go slow and careful. I'm good at what I do, Jensen, I'm the best there is."

Jensen's brain kick started then and his hard as fuck dick wilted down to soft like he just dipped it into icy cold water. He stumbled on his feet because: "You're one of the Hook?"

"The best of 'em."

"Fuck!"

Well, all of what just happened was absolutely, fucking NOT mentioned in that documentary.

**The End**


End file.
